Category: NonFiction

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Dr. J.'s News / NonFiction

Writer’s Retreat Triumph: Wins with Passion, Gumption, and Lots of Words

Another writer’s retreat in the books and we made memories. Sometimes it takes a little time for it to gel. I had hoped to post this last week, but I was still processing it. So many rich thoughts. Some many wonderful connections. And so many words. And sitting in the heart of it all was passion and gumption to grasp those words. Food and Drinks of the Writer’s Retreat Writers need nourishment besides coffee, which flowed freely. We ate and drank well. From Mr. J.’s welcome chicken dish to our new favorite resident chef and bartender’s creations, it covered us...

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Dr. J.'s News / NonFiction

The Exuberant Writers Island Retreat Produces a Magic Elixir

A magic elixir is produced when writers get together. It has a texture like cotton candy. A smell like an English garden in spring or caramel over the sea salt. A look like a Monet painting, hazy with all our energy. A taste of tequila aged in oak barrels. A sound like a guitar riff floating through the breeze. These sensations signify the writer magic of this year’s writing retreat. We are all magical ingredients adding to the mix of the retreat. Writer Imagination Creates the Magic Elixir Writer magic is a thing that happens when two or more writers...

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Challenges / NonFiction

Did Sexual Self-Care Month Help You Set a New Ritual?

We are coming into the home stretch for closing out May, our sexual self-care month. The 31-day challenge presented bite-size pieces for you to reclaim your sexual self in time. This is my fourth post on the topic, and I hope it provides MITE. Motivation. Information. Transformation. And Education. We can step into our fullest sexual selves with that mindset. We started the challenge with, Can you handle a month focused on your sexual self-pleasure? Next, we asked how are you celebrating your sensual self this month? Getting into the middle of the month, we asked, is empowering self-pleasure a...

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Challenges / NonFiction

Is Empowering Self-Pleasure a Delight or a Dilemma?

Empowering self-pleasure can have unintended consequences. If you took the time to focus on the challenge, perhaps you discovered new delights. If it was difficult to move through the challenge, maybe it highlighted a dilemma. Either way-you got new information that you can act on in the future. Even though we are halfway through the challenge, you can still catch up on the process with the first-week post and the second-week post. Dilemma Maybe you discovered something you didn’t like. Maybe you discovered something that scared you. Maybe you weren’t completely honest with yourself. These things can provide content to...

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NonFiction

How Are You Celebrating Your Sensual Self This Month?

Welcome back to Celebrating Your Sensual Self. Week one is officially over. If this is your first visit to May’s Self-Pleasure Challenge, welcome to week two, May 7-13. We started last week with information about setting out May’s Pleasure Event Challenge, the ways to maximize your pleasure challenge, and outlining what the challenge is about.  Do you know how Masturbation – Self-Pleasure month started? In 1994, when Dr. Jocelyn Elders was Surgeon General, she stated at a UN meeting that masturbation was normal and should be taught. She was fired from her job, and Carol Queen of Good Vibrations, decided...

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Challenges / NonFiction

Can You Handle A Month Focused on Your Sexual Self-Pleasure?

Welcome to May’s Monthly Self-Pleasure Challenge Week One, May 1-6 Self-Pleasure to know thyself. Could this be more relevant than for your sexuality? Most folks don’t know their sexual self because our culture, institutions, family, and society send negative messages about understanding ourselves as sexual human beings. I created this sexuality challenge for masturbation month for you to explore who you are sexually with a focus on pleasure. This idea might sound foreign to you because many people talk about masturbation and orgasm as pleasure, yet we have not stated pleasure as a part of sexual health. The World Health...

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NonFiction

Character Sex Coaching: Your Characters Deserve Great Sex, Too!

What exactly is a character sex coach? A character sex coach is essentially a sex therapist or educator for your characters. They can help you, the author, understand how sexuality fits into your characters’ personalities, motivations, and relationships. Best of all, they guide you in using sexuality to deepen your readers’ connection to your story. They are helpful to writers who may not have had formal sex education or who struggle with writing convincing and nuanced scenes with sex. By working with a character sex coach, you can better understand how sex operates in your story and develop a more...

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NonFiction

How to Become Your Best Sexual Self. Mind. Body. Heart. Spirit.

For any starting point on your sexuality, let’s think about structure. I’ve found the best way to approach this personal learning is to use a holistic sex-positive approach focusing on Body. Mind. Heart. Spirit. If you want to become your best sexual self, you need to learn about yourself within the layers of your sexual self. As sexual beings, when we learn what makes us tick, we can use that information to expand and improve our quality of life within our sexuality. Defining Your Sexual Self in Sexual Health My first degree always gets me rolling. Health education. Here sexual health...

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NonFiction

Ten Things That Excited Me about My Sexuality Work in 2022

Before I tell you the ten things that excited me about my year in the sexual work world, I want to say thank you. Thank you to my readers, fans, supporters, those who inspire, and all folks interested in sexual wellness, erotica, and all things sex. I create content for you to better your life in the adventures you seek. These are the items listed in no particular order that excited me about 2022. Rosy Working with the most sex-positive company, Rosy is a Sexual Wellness Platform for women, and this year I edited thirty-two stories as their erotica editor....

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NonFiction

Sexy Holiday Gifts by Category: Sensuality, Good Vibes, and More

Are you looking for sexy holiday gifts this season? I’ve read at least seven curated lists, and I found the following items to be interesting. I put them in six categories: Sensuality, Good Vibes, Kinky You, Fun & Games, Artistic Flair, and Philanthropy. Be true to yourself and your relationship as you explore your choices. Sensuality in Sexy Holiday Gifts Activating my senses is one of my favorite things for sexual enjoyment. These products could go a long way in meeting that goal. Foria Intimacy Bath Salts with CBD and Cacao What a combination. This formula is about relaxation and...

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NonFiction

How do Women get Purple Sex Alignment? A Fresh Mindset

Purple Sex Alignment? What is It? Purple sex alignment is both a process and an outcome. If you’re reading, you are already working a shift in your perspective. You are receptive to hearing something new. It’s like when folks realize they want something different in the bedroom, they explore and read about new topics. I’ve found that when you want more in sexuality, you notice things you aren’t familiar with, like purple sex. I created the Purple Sex Reflection Deck for Women as a tool to start the purple sex journey. Since most folks never received formal sex education, it...

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NonFiction

Why Language Matters: Use Scenes with Sex to Shift Your Writing Perspective.

Why language matters? Welcome to my world of “scenes with sex,” not “sex scenes.” Did you get it? Do you see or know the distinction? If not, welcome to the mind of a retired sex therapist, college professor of human sexuality, and current erotica and erotic romance writer and editor for Rosy. Join me on a sexual language journey where I replace sex scenes with scenes with sex. Is it Potato, Potahtoe, or Tomato, Tomato? You may be one of those who read the two phrases, scenes with sex and sex scenes, and said, “Meh, potato, potahto, it refers to...

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NonFiction / Twitter Spaces

At the Intimacy Intersection of Pleasure and Shame, Let’s Delete Stigma.

Pleasure and shame are addressed in a recent movie, in two directions. Good Luck to you, Leo Grande is a movie where characters meet at the intersection of intimacy and sexuality. Both know shame and taboo tempers their pleasure choices. Each person highlights the other as they seek pleasure, delete shame, and provide caring. Middle-Aged Women. So many women receive messages that after menopause, it’s a downhill trip for sex. And the reality is if you haven’t experienced what you had hoped in your life, it’s time to make a choice to go for pleasure. That’s what Nancy, the retired...

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NonFiction

Sex Conversation Starters to Improve Intimacy in Relationships

What is a sex conversation starter? Sometimes people just don’t know how to begin a conversation related to sex. That is so understandable. Those conversations are intimate and vulnerable. We don’t exactly learn conversation skills at school or at home, much less about discussing anything with sexual content. Without formal learning, we use what we know and it could trip us up. We may focus on how the other person is going to feel versus how it is to be clear with yourself and share. While attending behaviors and listening behaviors are important, so is being clear about what you...

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NonFiction

Jumpstart Writing Sex: A Fresh Mindset, Perspective, and Craft Tools

In writing sex, whether in scenes or threaded throughout your story, to get maximum impact, it takes a type of sex education most people never get. As a writer, you may be a natural-born storyteller and have intuited lots of information in your world about your characters. But what if you also used sex information that provided depth and created holistic characters? As a sex educator and therapist, I see what people miss in their writing. So I ask questions. I created one poll and started there. As you can see below, “Myself” was the answer to what stops you...

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NonFiction / Twitter Spaces

A Disappointing Sex Search in Google Underlines Poor Sex Education

My sex search on Google in preparation for my weekly Twitter Spaces Content in The Sexuality Space provided frustration. I wanted to learn what people want to know about sex. I discovered one interesting article by Dr. Chris Fulton: The Most Frequently Searched Sex Questions in the US. I loved her enthusiasm and contrast to research by Kinsey and sample size compared to Google Trends and analytics. It made for an interesting read but caused me to ponder some basic questions and wrestle with the disappointment of basic sex search information when I searched the question people wanted to know....

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NonFiction

Transform Your Sex Writing to Give Characters Great Sex with Five Elements

Many writers cringe at the idea of writing those sexy scenes, but here are five elements to transform your sex writing and give your characters great sex. Most of us have not been educated on sexuality. How could we be good writers or editors of it without that education? I’ve put my sex education and therapy to use in a new way, understanding the meaning of sex fictional characters and helping authors give characters the best sex than can. How We’ve Learned to Write Sex. “I cannot write a sex scene to save my life,” says too many writers. A...

Sex Talk and Sex Conversations 4

NonFiction / Twitter Spaces

Move the Sex Talk to Sex Conversations: A Powerful First Step

Sex conversations? Sex talk? What’s in a word or a phrase? For some, those phrases can stop you in your tracks. When you read “sex talk,” did it pull you back to your young self, who was watching a parent struggle to provide you with needed information? Or were you the parent, rubbing your sweaty palms, wishing you were anywhere instead of trying to figure out the right things to say to a child? For those who never experienced comprehensive sex education, sex talk is synonymous with perhaps the ONLY time a parent shared sex info. But as an adult,...

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NonFiction / Twitter Spaces

The Sexuality Space: The Year We Created A Remarkable Community with Passion

The Concept of The Sexuality Space Wow. Has it really been a year since I started The Sexuality Space on Twitter Spaces? Yes, it has. The first Wednesday of May in 2021, I launched my inaugural twitter spaces. I remember how the app didn’t work well.  I was unable to invite speakers. My first event was essentially a monologue from me with friends feeding me questions in my Direct Messages and I answered them. That didn’t deter me. I planned and talked and laughed. It was fun. So much has changed over the year from improvements in the app itself...

Book Cover of Sex Camp 0

NonFiction / Twitter Spaces

Brian McNaught: My Interview with “The Godfather of Diversity”

Social Audio Connects the World Back in May of 2021, I began my Twitter Spaces platform called The Sexuality Space. There, I provide sexuality information and resources. I interview experts, chat with book authors, and have open topical conversations. I showcase sex-positive perspectives. In this episode, I interview Brian McNaught. Brian is one of my favorite sex educators. While Brian and I met early in our careers, we each moved in different sex education circles for our sexual topics. Brian is most known for his work in lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer diversity training. The New York Times dubbed...

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NonFiction

Can you Place Your Sexuality Center Stage for a Minute or Even an Hour for Your Sexual Wellbeing?

Sometimes it is hard to admit we are sexual beings with a need for sexual wellness. Our culture, institutions, family, friends have made us feel like we need to hide that part of us. That makes it difficult for us to take time for our sexual self. Frankly, I’ve had enough. Others have subjected my sexuality career to constructed rules and regulations. They relegated my erotic writing to late-night locations, the back room, and the “shhhh place.” Sex itself takes a back seat to something considered more worthwhile. Sexuality professionals have been expected to step aside or step down for...

To show intensity of female orgasm 2

NonFiction

Women, Let Your Orgasms Surge

I’ve lived with orgasm inequality for my entire life and my forty-five-year professional sexuality career. Back in 1998, Viagra, the little blue pill for erectile dysfunction, hit the market. I remember listening to a sex therapist who had consulted for this product. He talked about the choice they offered him for his work, to be paid cash or in stock. Hindsight says stock, don’t you think? Men’s issues get men results. A New Player Emerges But this year, change is in the air. Will women’s issues get women results? I’m experiencing places where they have. I discovered Vella Bioscience. This...

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NonFiction

2020 in the Rearview Mirror

On the last day of the year, let’s see 2020 in the rearview mirror. Five years ago, Marie Rebelle and Wicked Wednesday hosted my guest post, Tested. It marked the launch of my writing career. I had completed an erotic writing course with Rachel Kramer Bussel, who encouraged our class to hone our writing skills by writing erotic memes. I am good at following directions. After that guest blog, in January 2016, I created my website and began blogging my stories. I’m a creature of habit. Each year, I look back to assess and evaluate my progress, productivity, and lessons...