Transform Your Sex Writing to Give Characters Great Sex with Five Elements

Many writers cringe at the idea of writing those sexy scenes, but here are five elements to transform your sex writing and give your characters great sex. Most of us have not been educated on sexuality. How could we be good writers or editors of it without that education? I’ve put my sex education and therapy to use in a new way, understanding the meaning of sex fictional characters and helping authors give characters the best sex than can.

How We’ve Learned to Write Sex.

“I cannot write a sex scene to save my life,” says too many writers. A new perspective and a structural shift could change your mind.

For many writers, a “sex scene” is just a “discrete part” of the story. A replaceable component. An activity. One switched in and out like a module. Often denoted with “Insert sex here.”

And sadly, it’s how we’ve been taught to consider sex in our life. Compartmentalized and only used on an as-needed basis.

In reality, sexuality is fluid and connectable.

Your sex writing could soar, if you recognized sex as a tool for self-development, simultaneously for you, the author, and your characters. With the elements discussed you can begin to transform your sex writing.

Five Elements to Transform Your Sex Writing.

What would it take to create this work process?

Let’s investigate. Perspective and framing are important in structuring your thinking. Here are five elements that can change your sex writing.

1-A Holistic and Sex-Positive Stance.

Gestalt therapists believe the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. So, let’s utilize the holistic nature of the person/character/author and make them whole as we write about their sex.

If your character is going to have sex, they start the process on page one. Believe it. Sex starts, before sex starts.

All our sex experiences-attitudes, beliefs, ideas, and activities- we usually hide but carry with us. As creative writers, if we tap into the well of sexuality experience, we create richer characters, and a deeper story, with intriguing sex.

HOLISTIC-it’s already part of the character. SEX-POSITIVE uses sexuality as an integral “out in the open” part of the character and story.

A change in perspective and framing change up the writing in you. Embrace it.

2-Sex Language is Crucial.

Replace the phrase “sex scene” with “scene with sex.”

There is a difference.

First, “sex scene” keeps you thinking about sex only one way. It may be heteronormative and/or it can be the way you have always thought about sex. It freezes you into a specific frame of thinking. It takes you away from your role as the creator of the character(s).

Second, “Scene with sex” opens your mind to the character possibilities. It’s a phrase with hope and promise and inclusivity. Precise language allows us to expand and evaluate how we see the world.

Scene with sex > sex scene.

Most often we don’t stop to evaluate your sex words, just like we don’t often stop to evaluate our notion of sexuality for ourselves. When we do, it shows up positively in our lives and in our characters.

3-Utilize the Sex History of Your Character for Character Depth.

Do you have sex history in your character bible? Do you know what it entails?

A sex history begins at birth and is created over a lifetime making layers.

It can be:

life stage-specific,

event-specific,

activity-specific,

attitude-specific.

There could be lots of juicy thoughts, feelings, and activities to add to the mix.

If you need practice, you have your own sex history first. I use the elements above to compile it. Then create the sex history that made the character who they are.

4-Meaning of Sex in a Scene.

We don’t have sex in a vacuum. It looks that way when you pull it off the shelf to use it as a one-time event. But we can do better.

Emotions drive sex and sex serves many purposes. Readers need to know why the sex is happening to stay connected to the character.

That is the reason you create the sex that fits with your character and their development, the meaning embodied in the physical activities.

For EXAMPLE:

“Angry sex” looks different than

“I haven’t seen you in six months’ sex.”

And is different from “I need a stress release sex” or

“I love you sex” or “first-time sex.”

The emotion/want/need drives the sex and the physical activity is the vehicle for the reader to experience that emotion.

Since your character’s sex is based on emotion, clarify its meaning through the sex your character is having.

The character’s personal growth is a journey.

Sex is a journey within personal growth.

Given everything life offers, sexual activity is NEVER the same.

Sex is as individual as our fingerprints.

When we create the meaning of sex from the sex history, we understand what the character carries around all the time. We access the emotional glue that readers stick to.

5-To Transform Your Sex Writing begin with You: The Person of the Author.

The core of all the writing is you, the author. Everyone wonders if they can write sex. How could you not?

My therapy supervisor and mentor used to say, “sex is a learned skill and an acquired taste.” As individuals, we address this for ourselves and then as writers, for our characters. I’ve wrestled with how to write sex, which is how I got here. And just like my sex education and sex therapy teaching, I learned new things to share.

Get clear on your role as author, separate from the character.

Know where you stop and start in relation to your characters.

Your insight into a character and the emotions you’ve experienced in your life bring the character’s feelings alive for sex.

That is the place where you stand together.

When you lay down judgment and fear to step into the characters’ shoes, you give them the sex that is transformative in their circumstances.

When you do, the character arc completes and so does yours. It is amazing that writing about sex can help you get clear about yourself and the character is the tool of your “therapy.”

For me, as a therapist, I was trained to keep the information confidential. Imagine my struggle. “No, I can’t share that.” It was so ingrained I didn’t even realize I was doing it. Now I use all the info to create the story and scenes. It was difficult, but I charged forward.

To conclude:

Begin your sex writing transformation.

1. Use a Holistic & Sex-Positive Stance
2. Clarify sex phrases because sex language is crucial
3. Create a Sex History of Your Character Depths
4. Clarify the meaning of your sex in the scene.
5. Be a sex transformer.

Remember the phrase “sex scene” is limited and “scenes with sex” is expansive.

A reframe of your thinking and new structures will help you transform your sex writing. If you what more information on sex writing, sign up for my newsletter and receive a How to Write Scenes With Sex: A Writer’s Guide to Sexuality PDF Book Overview.