How Do I Put Sex in the Scenes?

I’m a little behind in my weekly sexuality blog. Usually, when that happens, it is because I’m processing something.

So, what exactly is on my mind?

It turns out it’s about sex scenes and the crossroads intersection of Dr. J. sex therapist/sex educator with Dr. J. Erotica writer.

MY WRITER’S LIFE

The last several weeks have been busy. When you weren’t looking, here’s what I’ve been doing.

• Attending and providing conference workshops.
• Negotiating my next speaking engagements.
• Facilitating housing for my author friends for the Amelia Island Book Festival in February 2019 and then for my Sisters in Smut in May 2019.
• Taking part in weekly SKYPE consults.

I do all these things besides writing, editing, revising, marketing, and living a life.

Dr. J. SEX THERAPIST versus DR. J. EROTICA WRITER.

So why am processing this intersection point? The topic, how to write sex scenes, came up in several places in my everyday life. Its reoccurrence caused me to pause and consider, how do I write sex scenes?

1. WRITING SEX SCENES SPOKE TO ME FROM FIVE PLACES.

• Alessandra Torre and I talked about it.
• Two Sisters in Smut wrote blogs about it.
• I am scheduled to hear Justin Lehmiller speak about his sex research detailed in his book, Tell Me What You Want. I want to grasp the nuance of psychological components of our sexual fantasy life that pertain to sex scenes.
• I watched an interview with John Grisham where he talked about not being able to write sex scenes. (Watch beginning 3:49)
• Last, the Faculty Chair for FWA 2019 Conference asked me to submit a workshop proposal for writing sex scenes.

2. YOU ARE AN EROTICA WRITER, WRITING SEX SCENES.

• At the first of the month, Kinkly named me as a Top 100 Sex Blogging Superhero for 2018. I was also included in their Top Erotica Sex Blogs 2018. When I went to the site today to list the title correct, I was shocked to see I sat at the #61 spot on the sex blogs list. I am humbled.

3. YOU ARE AN EROTICA WRITER PUBLISHED BY OTHERS.

• Rose Caraway released the Table of Contents for The Sexy Librarian’s Dirty Thirty. My story contribution, “Erotic Moves” has been announced to the world.

WHY ME?

With all these writing sex scenes components swirling around in my head, I kept asking, “why me?”

So, my editor tells me I have a natural knack for storytelling.

Where would that ability come from?

Is it possible my story-telling structure came from my years in the classroom and therapy room hearing sex stories?

From sharing sex stories within timed lectures and discussions?

From making sure I had covered the necessary material within the allotted time for my anecdotes to work?

MY CONCLUSION

After receiving this month’s “writing sex scenes” gifts, I considered that perhaps I wrote naturally from the place I know. Not the usual place people ask about, “Have you done what you write?” But more from the science place. I have extra and diverse information available to me when I approach a sex scene because of my education and clinical background. Mainly, I understand that sexuality is holistic, and it isn’t just one scene where you block it off and say, “Okay, put in sex here.”

When my characters talk, I feel their sexuality in their body, personality, heart, from the beginning. For me, as in real life, sex is not on the shelf to be taken down for an event or in the writing sense for “a scene.” Every day we exude sexuality in our total self unless we have let shame, guilt, or ridicule run the show and we hide our sexuality.

How one goes about being sexual is essential to understanding the human process. It occurs long before any physical, sexual closeness happens. We have systems to our body, and they all have a function, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. In my writing, I strive for the sexual system to have equal footing with all the other human systems and be shown as an integral part of the character.

Now please don’t laugh, but I couldn’t see that Dr. J. sexuality expert had any part in writing Dr. J. Author’s sex scenes. Or that in my writing, I was doing sex education/therapy work with my characters. That idea didn’t crystallize until I read a manuscript for a fellow author. I gathered information like a scientist to understand each point of view character and to determine if the data points presented by the author about the characters connected and made therapy sense.

LAST THOUGHT

Sometimes a good jolt to the head is necessary. You see I had to have several, but I had them and learned something valuable. Given this discussion of writing sex scenes and providing character assessments, I won’t be at the crossroads intersection anymore. I am integrated and realize now when I started erotica writing I wrote from that integration.

Plainly, Dr. J. Sex Therapist/Sex Educator puts the sex in the scenes for Dr. J. Erotica Author.

Who knows, when I tease out all the “hows,” my book will exist.

This Blog Post is Linked to #338 Wicked Wednesday Prompt: Writing

Go see how others view their craft.