Break the Silence: How to Talk about Sexuality in Your Stories

#6 FWSG Post Series

Many people don’t know how to talk about sexuality in writing. Typically, the focus of sexuality is on the “sex scene,” and I’m on a mission to change that. What if we could learn more about the characters through their sexuality in all scenes? If writers had a structure on which to build sexuality, the characters and the story would have much more connection and depth. We would also understand the meaning of their actions when sex becomes physically close and intimate.

To discuss sexuality in your stories, I suggest considering writing about sexuality with respect. It starts with permission, the first element of The PLISSIT model, and one template I offer in The Fiction Writer’s Sexuality Guide: Sex-It’s More Than a Scene.

PLISSIT-How to Talk About Sexuality

When we write, we learn not just about the characters and the story but about ourselves. Writing has a meta quality to it. Our characters can change us. Their concerns and goals will help us redefine the whole character and alter our thinking process. PLISSIT works interactively with the author and the characters.

Jack Annon created the PLISSIT Model and used it in therapy.  The four parts of the model are Permission, Limited Information, Specific Suggestion, and intensive therapy, which only a small portion of individuals need. The things that help you change and grow are the three main points of the content outlined for the blog post on applying the PLISSIT model to writing about sexuality.

PLISSIT- Setting the Stage to Talk about Sexuality with Permission

Using the idea of permission. Do you create a space and a tone where your characters have a place to openly and honestly feel comfortable talking about sexuality? Imagine any topic from a first sexual event to sexually transmitted infections, to sex toys, to how a body works. The list can go on.

You set the stage for genuine care by modeling how an environment can be created in writing where sexuality can be explored respectfully and thoughtfully. This includes fostering open communication between characters, the author, and the reader and encouraging other authors to adopt a similar approach.

PLISSIT- Providing Limited Information to Talk about Sexuality

Perhaps the topics you address in your writing can help readers dispel myths and misinformation about sexuality. You could have your characters’ narrative weave in factual, straightforward information on sexual topics. Providing limited information is when you bring forward an element of body function, whether it’s the sexual response cycles or desire or how orgasms work; you layer in the permission and the factual information so the character and the reader can discard old ideas that aren’t accurate. This can enrich the story and character development, especially if the sexual content applies to your story and the characters are having a dialogue with one another about their concerns. One character could show specific interest in a concern, and another could have factual information.

PLISSIT-Offering Specific Suggestions

You move from the limited information facts to offering a specific suggestion. For example, your character might suggest a type of condom or lube that is workable together. Whatever you suggest in writing, you want it to be helpful, not hurtful. For any of your sexuality topics, you can add references like books, professionals, websites, or organizations to provide readers with resources for further exploration. Using sex-positive and factual sites is always good.

Conclusion: Navigating sexuality in writing by applying the PLISSIT Model

When you use The PLISSIT Model’s Permission, Limited Information, and Specific Suggestions for your sexuality writing, it shows your sensitive and respectful portrayal of sexuality. You can weave these small items into your character development and work to add so much flavor, bringing true realism into contemporary writing.

What are some topics you’ve addressed this way in your writing?

Is this a totally new paradigm for you? How might you use it?

Is this your first time hearing about The Fiction Writer’s Sexuality Guide? Here’s the starting place for The Blog Series.