Book Review: Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want

The title of Justin’ Lehmiller’s book, Tell Me What You Want could be found in my world. I spend a lot of time in the sex fantasy world writing, sex-positive literary erotica, it thrilled me when this book came out. As a retired sex therapist who loves sex science, I couldn’t wait to see the results of a large research study.

Justin Lehmiller writes with a knack for plain speak about research topics. It makes this a solid read for researchers and non-researchers alike. Not only does he provide new information for the world about what Americans think, he positions his work with a dose of permission for all of us to find out who we are, going past shame, guilt, embarrassment, fear, anxiety, and disgust which keeps us from fully recognizing our sexual selves.

The layout of his book is logical and straightforward. The first five chapters provide the facts of the research. The last three discuss how understanding your sexual desires can benefit your sex life, how to take your fantasy into reality and finally, the importance of communication in discussing your desires with a partner or partners.

He has balanced that fine line between terrific dissemination of research data and educating us with a sex-positive stance. I appreciated his detail of definitions to ensure that readers understood the different topics and how they were used in the study. Readers can come away with a hopeful view of self and sexuality. I highly recommend this book.

I have been so taken with Lehmiller’s work presented in this book, that I signed up to hear him speak in Austin, Texas. I love it when my online life meets the real world. The picture to the left was snapped as Justin was being introduced by Heather McPherson. Heather is the Founder and CEO of the Sexual Health Alliance who sponsored Justin’s event. Heather and I first met in NYC at the Alt Sex NY Conference. As an AASECT certified Sex Therapist, she brings in professionals who will provide innovative material to sex educators, counselors, and therapists.

Justin’s presentation was spectacular, and he shared extra data and information not included in the book. While I thought the book was stellar, meeting him in person and understanding how all of this research came about was a bonus. What an exceptional person!

And look. I came away with a treasure. Get the book and then see him speak!